Marie's notebook - fragment

[jones]

Just something I've been working on. Not even close to being complete yet, but it's getting there.

Marie's notebook

<tt> Have you ever wondered if all this time you had it backwards? Meaning, that somewhere in your life, maybe last Friday or maybe the very day you were born, you had mixed up the difference between being asleep and being awake? Between what is a dream and what is real?

Yes I know, the differences between dreams and reality are easy to spot: dreams often have a logic that only makes sense inside the dream, or they have no logic at all. Dreams often repeat themselves. Sometimes in a dream, your will can take over and you can do whatever you want. You can be rich and famous, you can fly, you can fall in love and be with anyone. And none of this ever happens in reality -- or it doesn't happen the same way. But haven't you ever thought about it and seen the glaring flaw in all this? Understand, reality is supposed to be where things really count -- while nothing counts for anything in a dream. But I want to know who first decided that this place where so few of us become rich and famous, even fewer fall in love and not even one can fly... who decided that such an awful place had to be the place where things really count? And why did all the rest of us through history buy into that?

I was not standing up.

My body was awake, and my eyes could see -- though it took me some time to establish this because it seemed as if there were no difference between what I saw when my eyelids were open and when they were closed. I had, in fact, opened and closed them so many times that I finally lost track of whether they were raised and I was now lowering them or vice-versa.

The revelation that I was neither blind nor sleeping, however, did not owe itself to anything my eyes perceived in the usual sense. I simply noticed that a certain amount of pain crept over the back of my skull after I moved my eyelids in one direction (up or down, I could not be sure) but receded when I moved them in the opposite. I decided to associate the pain with my eyes being open -- and the lack of it with them being closed.

Keep in mind that to this day I have no real evidence to show that my decision was correct. It is just as possible that I made the wrong choice and that in every moment since, when I thought my eyes were "open," they were actually "closed" -- that when I lay down to sleep at night, I was (and still am) really waking up, and that what I find in dreams behind closed eyes is reality before my open ones.

Be that as it may, I opened my eyes and kept them that way for a long moment, enduring the pain and wondering what the source of it might be and gradually coming to understand that I was still in the parking lot where Mike had left me. I could feel the wind over my face and the cold, wet asphalt against the back of my head. Yet I still neither saw nor heard anything. It still seemed as if I lay in complete darkness, but as it turned out, the opposite was true.</tt>

end (for now)

take care

---jones


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Works & Days


[This message has been edited by jones (edited March 17, 2002).]

[gollum]

*cheer*

<g>

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"littleblackskirts and bellslevedshirts go great with skull-and-crossbone hair clippies, purple boots, and a cockring around yr wrist." -starky
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You know these days no one's exploited.
Sorry dude can't hear ya with my head in the toilet.
-letigre-

trans/gender

[Branflakes]

Oh...wow...that was incredible. **** .

[Branflakes]

*bump*

[Ski]

Way cool [img]smile.gif[/img]